I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just gargled with NyQuil
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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