im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
