You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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