so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't deserve a penis
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
