Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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