the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
