I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
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my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
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There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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