Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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