he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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