I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
