if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Bring me that man meat
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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