so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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