Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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