She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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