Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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