So drunk, too bad you don't want this
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
