he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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