Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
