What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
