can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize