somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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