dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
