oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize