My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
