I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
