So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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