I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
PANTIES FOUND
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
