$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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