I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
