I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
