I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
