Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
