Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
