It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
