too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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