and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
