the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Enjoy the penises
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
