Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
