Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
