You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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