you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize