you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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