So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
