Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
