I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
