i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
