if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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