I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
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