had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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