TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
