Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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