I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
