I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
