We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
