haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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