You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
