for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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