Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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