She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
