Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
