She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
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Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
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I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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