why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
