She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
