Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
