Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
