Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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