two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
