Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
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how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
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Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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