What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
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You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
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Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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